Misadventures of Voice Chat
by KSCmemories
Summary: A bunch of one shot fictions. Expect to see anything, some swearing, odd situations and what not... There will be all types, Shiznat in some,not all. Fic 4: A Gift: Shizuru finds a little present, one she didn't exactly want.
1. Mayo abuse

Yeah, like it says in my almost non existent profile, I have lots of one shots that I've been meaning to post. This one is the first. It's kinda a crack-ish idea, but not really. I'd say it's an odd mix of possible normality and wtfness. It's M purely because I felt as if teen was just too light for this. Also, its written in... I dunno what you'd call this. Play style? Who knows, but the reason's behind this is because it is meant that they are online, thus, no one can really see each other. Only hear voices, that's why this is written like this. There are more of these...plenty more in fact...but most are very short... just like this one. They will all end up in this one story as the collaboration if these types of fictions. That way i don't have a bunch of one shot stories floating all over the place.

* These stars are for what people hear as far as background noise/sound effects/other oddities.

I do not own Mai Hime

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><p>Natsuki: Yeah...I haven't really eaten anything of substance all day. Kinda hungry.<p>

*Crinkle...crinkle...rustle...crinkle.

Nao: Shizuru is going to murder you...you do realize that, right?

*Fidget...fidget...

Natsuki: Yeah.. I know..

*SQUIRT~!

Natsuki: There we go!

Nao (While laughing profusely): What the fuck?

Natsuki: What? I'm hungry..

Nao: What the hell was that?

*Chomp, chomp, chomp, munch...crunch...

Natsuki (with a mouth full of food): The mayo bottle.

Nao: what are you doing, idiot...geez.

Natsuki: I'm eating mayo and bread...

Nao: Sound more like your killing the bottle...

*Crunch, crunch...rustle...squirt

Natsuki: Well, I'm being a lazy ass. I don't want to cook, besides that, last time I tried I obliterated an entire packing of instant noodles. I never knew you could set fire to water. Shizuru still can't figure out how the hell I did that one. Me either, actually. So, rather than make food, and likely kill myself, I'm just eating the bread and mayo next to the comp. Easier that way, ya know?

Nao: I guess so, but you really should eat something else... You know, something like actual food? Jesus, you're like a garbage disposal.

*Squirt~~~~~~Click

Nao(completely baffled and laughing): What the hell! Dude, that sounds so wrong...

Natsuki: It's just a bottle of mayo. Here, I'll send you what I'm doing. The webby isn't working right, so you'll get it in a text.

Nao: wait a sec, gotta find the phone.

*Rustle, rustle, knock...rustle, rustle...fidget...

Natsuki(Taking the photo of her food.): How in the world, do you of all, people loose your fuckin' phone.

Nao: I found it smart one... It was in my bed.

Natsuki: Lovely... anyway, text sent.

Nao: I haven't gotten it yet...

Natsuki: You will sooner or later I hope..

*chomp, chomp, chomp...  
>*BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ<p>

Natsuki: GAH! Ear rape!

*Buzz...buzz, bu-Click

Natsuki: Holy shit Nao, what the hell is that!

Nao: My phone...

Natsuki(Almost under her breath): It sounds like a broken sex toy.

Nao(Not really caring one way or the other): I heard that...oh god... are you really eating that? Dude! You can't even see the bread!

Natsuki: I know...I don't want to see the bread...

Nao: that's gunna kill you one day...

Natsuki(Mouth full of food again): So? If this don't do it, Shizuru will...I love the woman dearly, but she's a health nut or somethin'...

*Chomp, chimp, chomp...crinkle...squirt...

Nao: I don't doubt that for a second. You do know that if she finds out your eating that crap, I was not involved... REMOTELY, do I make myself clear?

*Chomp, chomp chomp...click...squirt~

Natsuki: Yeah, yeah. I hear you...hmm... I wonder... What do you think would happen if I ate the entire bottle in one night?

Nao(incredulous): You'll feel like shit tomorrow? I don't know..

Natsuki: Dare me to try?

Nao: Yeah sure why not...

~~~Next day~~~~

Natsuki: Gahhh...

Nao: What's wrong this time? She didn't shove another leek up your ass did she?

Natsuki: No, but I kinda wished she did... it would have been lass painful...

Nao: Dare I even ask?

Natsuki: If I were you, I wouldn't... but be warned... when Shizuru comes online I would run the hell away... as fast as humanly possible...

Nao: She got you good, didn't she...

Natsuki: That would be putting it mildly...very, very mildly...

-End...-


	2. A Spider?

I do not own Mai HiME.

Again, play style...or what ever it is.

Fic number 2: A Spider?

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><p>Natsuki: In other news, I'm going to KILL Nao!<p>

Shizuru: Why, what's wrong?

Natsuki: she's corrupted our daughter! That's what's wrong.

Shizuru: Now, now. She couldn't have done anything that bad. She may be slightly rebellious, but the same can be said for you too.

Natsuki: So you say... you'll just love this one, I'm sure...hold on a minuet...

Natsuki places her hand over the phones receiver, before calling for her child from the main room. The girl is only the age of three. Her name is Naru. Natsuki hands her child the phone after pushing the speaker button, sighing as she does so.

Natsuki: There, now go ahead and tell mommy what you want for a pet.

Naru: A spider!

Shizuru pauses for a moment, taking in that bit of information...confused, she blinks her eyes even if she knows she can't be seen...

Shizuru(In slight surprise): A spider? Honey, what about a puppy or a kitten? They're cute and fluffy. They like to cuddle... spiders aren't really very nice. Plus, they're icky...

Naru: I want a spider like Aunt Nao!

Shizuru: Like...Aunt...wait a second... Natsuki, when did Nao get a spider, and why does Naru know about it?

Natsuki: Go ahead Naru, tell mommy the spider story.

Naru: Ok! So we went to the pet store and we were looking at all of the fun stuff and aunt Nao found a really big spider. It was all hairy and it was in a glass and it looked really, really cool! And so she bought it and she took it home in the car and when she brought it home she took it out and she was holding it. It fit in her palm but they say it's going to grow bigger. I want one too! Mommy, can I please? Papa said no... but if I asked you and you said yes she might say yes too!

Shizuru shivered when that story ended. She didn't particularly like spiders.

Shizuru: Um, we'll talk about it. Do me a favor and give papa the phone, please.

Naru nodded, holding the phone over her head. Natsuki held the phone and took it off speaker before putting back on her ear. She sighed as Shizuru shivered again, muttering about not wanting a spider in the house. Meanwhile, Naru trotted out of the room, going back to playing.

Natsuki: See what I mean? Nao just had to buy that thing when we were with her. Now Naru wants one too. It's all she ever talks about. The fridge door has six pictures already, all spiders. She likes them...for some odd reason.

Shizuru: Perhaps she just likes odd animals as pets. What about a little garden snake? They're green, and small... and best of all, they don't look ugly. They aren't furry, but they are cool. Would you think she'd like one of those?

Natsuki: I have no idea, but you're the one who gave birth to her. She should have your genes. You'd think she'd like snakes...

Shizuru: All I know is when I get my hands on Nao, I'm shoving that spider where the sun doesn't shine. See if she loves it so much then.

Natsuki grinned with a somewhat evil smirk.

Natsuki: I'll be sure that I rely that message, personally.

-End...-


	3. Papa's and Daddies

Another one shot, but this one isn't a play style... joy of joys. This one also isn't meant to be read over the phone, internet, or whatever... lol, it's the first normal one shot... if you want to call it that.

I don't own Mai Hime

Fic Number 3: Papa's and Daddies

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><p>"Naru, Mommy likes it when you play with her hair, but I don't." She had hair clips and scrunchies everywhere. The child was likely only making tangles, not undoing them. Natsuki rolled her eyes as the small one giggled in delight. Her three year old was quite the active child. She shook her midnight blue bangs out of her eyes, only to have to squint when they were flung back into her face. "Where is Mommy? Do you know?"<p>

"She's cooking din din." Naru exclaimed as she continued to play with the messy mop of hair in front of her. Hopping off of the stool she was standing on, she walked around and looked the person she considered a second parent. "Papa, can I ask you something..." Eyes of interested violet gazed up at her. Little Naru looked very much like Shizuru, except for her eyes. Takumi, Mai's younger brother, had been the donor. For some reason, those violet eyes seemed to shimmer differently, almost as if she was confused. Even if she looked like Shizuru, the child acted like a parrot, mimicking everything she saw and heard.

"What is it?" Natsuki asked, pulling the three year old into her lap. She waited calmly as the little girl seemed to think carefully about her question.

"Are you a girl?" It seemed so innocent coming from her.

"Yeah." Natsuki wasn't much for an explanation, but she had expected that question sooner or later. "I'm a girl just like you. Why did you wanna know?"

"Why are you papa then? Shouldn't you be a mommy?" Her head turned to the side, her brows furring in seemingly deep thought. She was genuinely interested in knowing the answer.

"Uh..." Natsuki had been given hard questions before, but this one was a new one. She hadn't actually thought beyond the generic default answers. "I'm a mommy...but you call me papa. It's easier than calling us both mommy right?"

"But a papa can't be a mommy, right?" As if a new thought popped into her head she quickly asked a second question. "So, if your papa, doesn't that make you a daddy?"

Natsuki sat there for a moment, unsure of what she should say. She had a feeling anything she said would be twisted even more so. She sighed, trying to calm her own mind, it was at war with her. She was tempted to run and hide, purely because this child was very much like Shizuru, and also very inquisitive. The questions would be never ending this evening. Clearing her throat she attempted an explanation. "Naru...daddies are...different. Daddies can be a papa, but I'm a mommy. You just call me papa, since that's what I like to be called."

"But you aren't a daddy?" Natsuki nodded her agreement, happy the child finally got it...but, then yet another question was fired her way. "...papa...how are daddies different?"

Natsuki placed a palm to her face, warding away the migraine starting to form. "Shizuru!" Natsuki called, trying to get her lover to come rescue her. "I need help in here!" Clattering could be heard in the kitchen. "Now would be nice!"

"Yes, yes, I heard you the first time." Shizuru held a towel in her hands as if she'd finished the dishes. "I have soup on the stove, I can't let the veggies burn." She leaned on the door frame as she gazed at the little family in front of her. The look on Natsuki's face told her this was going to be highly amusing. "Now, what is it that you need?"

"Naru...uh...wants to know...uhh...daddies are different..." She mumbled incoherently, a scarlet red upon her face.

"Oh, is that all." Shizuru smirked as Natsuki turned even redder. "That's really quite a simple answer Natsuki. You shouldn't have any problems answering it." Watching the glare that produced, she just looked at little Naru. Such an innocent look upon her face, she truly had yet to understand the power of a good tease. "Naru, do you really want to know the difference between a mommy and a daddy?"

"Yes." Naru figured that part should have been plain as day.

"Daddies are boys like uncle Takumi and uncle Reito. Mommies are girls like me and aunt Mai and aunt Nao." She said with simple ease.

"Oh, ok." Naru said hopping off of Natsuki's lap in search of her crayons.

"That was all it took?" Natsuki gawked.

"I assume so. She's just a little girl for cryin' out loud. Why, what did you think she wanted to know...My, my Natsuki, you're having her grow up too quickly."

"Shizuru!" Natsuki warned in a growl. "You just wait, this topic isn't gone yet...sadly."

Just then Naru cam scampering back in the room, another perplexed look on her face.

"Mommy..." Naru said as she walked slowly towards her parents. "Why are they boys?"

"See!" Natsuki laughed when Shizuru's jaw dropped. "Told you!"

"This is going to be a long night." Shizuru muttered from behind her hands, a faint tinge of pink on her cheeks.

-End...-


	4. A Gift

I do not own Mai HiME.

Fic 4: New Gift.

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><p>"NATSUKI!" Shizuru screeched running out of her bedroom like a bat out of hell. "Kill It! Kill it now!"<p>

"Kill what?" Natsuki looked around, seeing nothing in her vicinity. One hand was around Shizuru, the other was on her gun. She never let go of the thing, only really locking it away when she went to sleep.

"The evil spawn that's in there!" Shizuru yelped, shivering at the memory. "Is the mark back?" She began to panic.

"Calm down." Natsuki sighed. "No one's got a mark back." It was a bad thing to think about, but Natsuki was sure what ever it was, it wasn't that. "The battles are well and over with Shizuru. You know that."

still confused and slightly shocked to suddenly find her wife in her lap clinging for dear life, she peaked over the woman's shoulder, gazing at the bedroom door with a murders glint in her eyes. She ever so slowly, and very gently lifted the frightened woman and placed her on the sofa. "Stay here." Her words were soft, and slightly worried too. She crept into their bedroom, her hand resting on the holster of her gun, scanning the room for anything that could have caused such fear. She found none and then looked into the bathroom. Again, nothing seemed out of sorts. "Shizuru?" Natsuki called in confusion. "Nothings in here."

"YES IT IS!" Shizuru screamed back as if the devil himself would poof out of thin air. "NONONO! Naru don't go in there!" Shizuru yelled in horror.. not a moment sooner, Naru was by her papa's feet.

"Mama met my new friend, I think." Naru smiled and quickly looked over the bathtub. "Yeah, see, it's my new friend!"

"What new friend do you possibly have that would scare...mommy...away?" As blue eyes found the target of the fear, her mind quickly shut down, processing the information. "What the heck?" Natsuki asked slowly, but slightly aggravated. The little thing wiggled around in the bathtub filled with water. "Where did you get that?"

"Mikoto gave him to me." Naru chirped with glee. "Isn't he cute?" Then, as if remembering something important she stuck her finger out as if she was going to scold Natsuki. "But remember, even if he is a food, you cat eat him."

"Indeed." Not that Natsuki much wanted to eat something like that in the first place. "Go get me a really big bowl from the kitchen, he can't exactly live in the bathtub." The child nodded skipping away, and Natsuki sighed roiling her eyes. It seemed that there was a new prize each and every time Mikoto went fishing. At first it was kind of cute. Naru's first gift from fishing had been a frog. Normally, it was a logical things. Stuff, that if you looked at it, you'd know it wasn't some odd monster. Lobsters, fish, the occasional crab, and even claims...but never before had Mikoto given her anything like this. Natsuki emerged from their bedroom with Shizuru still in a state of panic.

"Guess who went fishing again?" Natsuki smiled softly. "It's a sea cucumber."

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><p>Yeah, I know... really short. The funny thing about that, is this actually did happen. The only difference was, it was an earwig we found in the bathtub, not a cucumber. Also, it was my older cousin who caught it, needless to say, having not seen one before, I was freaked the hell out.<p> 


End file.
